Is a Jeep Patriot faster than a BMW M3?

"and 100 more" (nth256) 11/07/2014 at 11:16 • Filed to: None

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No. By a very large margin, no. I think we all know that.

So when I passed the guy in the M3 doing about 80, he was probably aware that I wasn't any kind of threat to his machismo. He's got swag I'll never have. He can pull wool. I'm just a schmuck in a CUV.

So why he decided to race me on the freeway, I'll never know.

Guess his dick is just that small . :)

For your trouble, feel free to gouge out your eyeballs on these Patriot pics:

Party-vi > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:17

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I approve of all those Patriot pics, firstly because it's cool to see a Patriot getting dirty, and lastly because stancing a Patriot is probably more suited to its nature.

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:18

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This would be ridiculous on most cars, but it improved the Patriot.

Textured Soy Protein > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:19

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I actually don't mind the Patriot. Yeah it's basically a Dodge Caliber with awd, but at least it doesn't look like a Dodge Caliber (or Jeep Compass, for that matter).

OPPOsaurus WRX > Party-vi 11/07/2014 at 11:20

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i got passed on the highway by a base Impreza. I had to go home and kick puppies until I felt like a man again.

and 100 more > Textured Soy Protein 11/07/2014 at 11:23

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Exactly! People need to take it for what it is - it's a FWD wagon with a Jeep badge. It's slow, but it carries a lot of shit in the back, and it gets around off the pavement better than most sedans, so...

For what it's worth, the Caliber also came in AWD, though not as capable as the Patriot/Compass system.

And while I'm not a big fan of the Compass, I've seen a couple since the latest refresh that look damn good.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:23

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SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:23

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I have never wanted a Jeep Patriot in my entire life, but I kind of want the first three... Something is wrong. I need to see a doctor.

Milky > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:24

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….. It would actually be cool to SRT4 swap a patriot. I've heard they're easy to get 400hp out of and then it would have AWD.

Party-vi > OPPOsaurus WRX 11/07/2014 at 11:25

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> Be me, 22

> In 1988 Cherokee with friend at light

> See girl on cellphone in SN95 V6 Mustang in right lane, lanes merge after light

> Rev dat shit, drop tha' clutch and take off

> MFW she still passes and gets in front of me without breaking a sweat

and 100 more > Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready 11/07/2014 at 11:25

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I know the guy who owns this one, and the guy who owns the one in the first three pics. They've both put a lot of time and effort into their rides, much to the dismay of the Patriot community (who all seem to believe that you should strive to build a baby XJ, and lowering is a sin).

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:26

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But what if FCA HELLCAT ALL THE THINGS?

HammerheadFistpunch > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:26

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I like the look of the patriot, especially on M/T's

its just not fast.

Coty > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:27

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Yes.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Party-vi 11/07/2014 at 11:28

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its around 2007, i'm about 20 with a 1995 V6 Explorer, Bro dude next to me is in an M3. Its pouring out. who makes it to the merge first?

Textured Soy Protein > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:34

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Yeah, the facelift on the Compass is a huge improvement. The front end actually reminds me a lot of my WJ Grand Cherokee, which is a good thing.

When I googled it to remember what it looks like, I discovered that Jeep actually still sells both the Compass and Patriot. I thought they were both long since discontinued. Go figure. I wonder if they'll stick around much longer after the Renegade shows up.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Party-vi 11/07/2014 at 11:35

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A friend of mine who rebuilds Series Landies for a living says that he once or twice challenged people to a drag race with his as a joke - "first 30 feet, winner takes all". Low-range 4wd HURRR

and 100 more > Milky 11/07/2014 at 11:36

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Here we go... LOL! We get this notion fielded about once a week on the Patriot forums.

So, it can't be done, not without a lot of cash. Here's why:

1) The Patriot and CSRT4 computers are completely different, and neither is friendly to being flashed by anyone but a dealership. There's a little more leeway with the CSRT4, but not by much.

1A) Why not swap the computers as well? Because the computers in these cars control everything, not just the engine and trans. You can't even plug in factory foglights without getting the computer flashed at the dealership. So it's not an engine issue, so much as an issue with everything else attached to the body that the computer won't recognize. Dodge fucked us on this one.

2) The CSRT4 has an extended front end compared to the standard Caliber. This is because the turbo piping and intercooler require more space up front, and so the CSRT4 required an extended bumper and bodywork to match. The Patriot shares the standard Caliber's bumper, and there's no extended bodywork for the Patriot.

3) With the money you've invested into getting a donor SRT4 motor, you may as well have bought the whole Caliber it came in. The engines alone aren't cheap, but the rest of the vehicle is.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > OPPOsaurus WRX 11/07/2014 at 11:39

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Sorry, I tend to think my Impreza is a STi sometimes.

and 100 more > Textured Soy Protein 11/07/2014 at 11:40

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The Compass and Patriot are to be phased out in 2016, in favor of a brand new C-segment vehicle. The Renegade, though similar in size, is actually a B-segment vehicle, and the new Cherokee, for some strange reason, doesn't count as a C-segment either. So there will be a Renegade, Cherokee, and another vehicle, all basically the same size, being sold at the same time. Pretty stupid.

As Du Volant > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 11:41

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I always thought the Jeep Compass Rallye was pretty decent looking. One of those lowered and with the powertrain from a wrecked Dodge Caliber SRT4 swapped in could be a pretty awesome sleeper I think.

This was an appearance package only- body kit, lights, spoiler, wheels. It was discontinued when Fiat took ownership of Chrysler.

OPPOsaurus WRX > norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback 11/07/2014 at 11:41

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in my dreams....

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > OPPOsaurus WRX 11/07/2014 at 11:44

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Exactly. Well technically it's not my car and it's technically not base either. It's a 2012 Limited with the CVT... It's a great car though, I think she handles well.

and 100 more > HammerheadFistpunch 11/07/2014 at 11:44

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No, its not.

But they get around okay offroad, especially with some decent tires.

and 100 more > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 11/07/2014 at 11:49

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They guy that owns this one has put a LOT of work into getting it that low. No air-ride, that's a static drop. He drives it like that every day. I love his ride.

He recently trashed the engine and considered giving it up, but decided to stick it out. People around our Patriot forum treat him like, "he's that family member we just don't understand, but we love him anyway". I don't care, his ride is badass, and i tell him so every time he posts new pics. He's currently doing a wire tuck in the engine bay, fixing the headlights, (constantly) fixing the suspension, and getting some custom seat rails made - he's about 6'7" and has a hard time not banging his knees on the dash.

and 100 more > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 11/07/2014 at 11:50

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The first three are all the same one, but in various stages. The guy who owns it is a damn cool guy, and he's put in a lot of work to get it where its at.

and 100 more > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 11/07/2014 at 11:50

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I'd settle with a 3.6 Pentastar and matching trans from an Avenger. If only...

E92M3 > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 12:11

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Maybe he wasn't racing.. Perhaps he thought you were a car guy , and would enjoy some S65 music?

Milky > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 12:14

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…. well thats depressing. What about throwing the AWD system from either the Compass or Patriot into a SRT4? Or will that fuck with the computer systems too?

and 100 more > Milky 11/07/2014 at 12:32

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In a round-about way, yes, the computer will fuck you again.

Unlike a lot of cars, you actually can bolt up the AWD system from another Patriot/Compass onto another one. You'd need the PTU (which is basically a right-angle drive that sends power from the transmission to the rear), an AWD passenger side front axle, the driveshaft, the rear differential, rear axles, and rear hubs, and associated nuts, bolts, and wiring.

Where you're fucked is that damn computer. Because you didn't buy this particular Patriot with AWD, the computer won't recognize the AWD components. You'd need to go to the dealership and say "Hey, I've got these new parts on my Jeep, can you flash them into my computer?" And then try not to cry or hit someone when they laugh at you.

Here's a fun little anecdote! The GEMA 2.4 engine (the one in the Patriot, Compass, Caliber, Avenger, etc. etc.) has a set of flapper valves in the intake manifold. The motor that controls these commonly burns out. It's a $75 part, and can be replaced in 15 minutes by yourself in a rainy parking lot - I should know. Chrysler, however, deems that should the motor burn out, you need to replace the entire intake manifold, at a cost of about $250 in parts, and another $750 in labor.

If you do replace the motor yourself, trying to save some money, you still need to convince a dealership to re-flash your computer to accept the new motor. For which they will charge you no less than $100 (as I was advised by a service manager), and they waive ANY liability in the case. If something should go wrong in the flash process and your computer gets fried... tough shit, not their problem. Yes. It's that fucked up.

I won't even go into how Chrysler is fucking over small dealerships and indy repair shops, using the same computer system... It's fucking sad.

and 100 more > E92M3 11/07/2014 at 12:33

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"Oh, you like to drive fast too? Let me sing you the song of my people!"

It did sound good, I can't argue with that.

Milky > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 12:36

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Thats some serious BS. I'm just going to assume that because this is from chrysler's "dark" days that somebody didn't put enough thought into … aka I'm hoping they fixed their shit now.

and 100 more > Milky 11/07/2014 at 12:46

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Negative. It's because the Patriot/Compass/Caliber/Avenger was designed as a volume seller in its base version. Read: cheap. Other ChryCo cars built and sold in the same years as the Patriot have far more tuner-friendly computers (barring perhaps the Magnum/300/Charger).

NaturallyAspirated > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 13:35

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Wow, those are pretty cool pictures. I'm driving my mom's Patriot this week while I wait for clutch parts for the Subaru to come in. It's FWD and it has the 2.0l engine and the CVT. I like the feel of the brakes, and the steering feels pretty good. Body roll is minimal. But dang, every time I think I've gotten used to the CVT it does something unexpected.

and 100 more > NaturallyAspirated 11/07/2014 at 13:55

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Yeah, the JATCO CVT in the Patriot is... troublesome.

Paired with the 2.0, I'm sure it does it's best impression of a chainsaw every time you take off from a stop, correct?

(0)wrrrrr(10)RRRRRR(20)RRRRRR(30)RRRRRR(40)RRRrr(50)

NaturallyAspirated > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 14:14

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I think part of it is that I'm so used to driving a manual. I'm used to being able to gradually accelerate by holding the accelerator at a constant position, while the CVT accelerates to a certain speed and then stops accelerating. It's hard for me to drive smoothly.

It's sort of like:

(0)wrrRR(10)RRRR(20)RRrr(25)rrRR(30)RRrr(35)rrRR(40)RRrr(45)rrRR(50)

and 100 more > NaturallyAspirated 11/07/2014 at 14:30

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What year is your mom's Patriot? Thats sounds more like a regular automatic. They went with the 6-speed auto instead of the CVT in 2014, since the CVT drew so many complaints.

EDIT: my Patriot has a manual. My experience with anything else in a Patriot is hearsay, but I've spoken with many CVT owners on my forum.

NaturallyAspirated > and 100 more 11/07/2014 at 15:37

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I think it's a 2010 but I'm not sure...

and 100 more > NaturallyAspirated 11/07/2014 at 15:47

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Yeah, if so, then it came with a CVT

Those CVTs are weird, its not just you.